Crap Economics

America, with conservatives’ blessing, has become utterly dependent on big corporations. For everything, from food and clothing to medicines, we rely on global supply chains and their left-leaning gatekeepers. The United States imports over $7 billion worth of fertilizer every year.

This is from my book The Responseary Mind. ( My editor was a great taster and removed the following sentence. (“We don’t even produce our cowshit.”) This is why I used the fertilizer example, which seemed absurd. And yet, lo and behold, we’re now hurtling towards a food crisis thanks to the global fertilizer shortage.

Why are there so many fertilizer shortages? Because the United States imports 93 percent of our potash, a key nutrient used in making fertilizer, while Russia and Belarus are responsible for 40 percent of the global potash supply.

Naturally the people who made us depend on fertilizer imports were the same ones who blockedade Russia for its invasion in Ukraine. This should give you all the information you need about our ruling classes.

But it doesn’t get any worse. The same Very Smart People who orchestrated the fertilizer shortage are also working hard to blacklist the cattle industry. They claim that cow farts have been causing a hole in the atmosphere and are why we need to tax our ranchers for methane. The situation is so dire in the Netherlands, that the Dutch government has been openly attacked by cattle farmers.

No cows, no cowshit.

These Very Smart People have the potential to transform the world’s economy. They don’t seem to care. Bill Gates is one of many who fantasizes about the switch to synthetic beef in developed countries. They want to drive all those ranchers–about 500 million around the world–out of business. They would gladly force us all to eat their nasty Impossible Whoppers. This is their way of saving the world. This is why they get up in the morning.

This is bad. It’s also unbelievably stupid. People who wish to see us all eat plant-based substitutes for meat are sanctioning Russia. This makes it more difficult to cultivate the plants needed to produce those substitutes. Bill Gates and his fellow oligarchs are attacking meat farmers and vegetable farmers at the same time.

You can’t make it up.

People assume that you are referring to progressives when you mention Bill Gates. But conservatives are also responsible for the catastrophe. These are the people who continue to boast about capitalism’s blessings and the benefits of free trade.

To be fair, an economist trained in economics could tell you how to save 8 cents per ton making Illuminati Burgers from soy grown with fake Russian Dung–assuming there are stable global markets. But, as everyone without an economics degree knows, global markets aren’t stable.

To you and I, it is clearly a bad decision to be dependent on fertilizer imports. It’s obviously a bad idea to become dependent on any import that your people literally can’t live without. It’s especially dangerous when the industry is controlled by hostile powers. Obviously. This is clear to you and me. We haven’t studied economics.

“Aha!” cry the economists. It would have been great if we had maintained peaceful relations with Russia. But, that’s not what I believe. Let’s just say that they are correct, for argument’s sake. Haven’t those economists been feeding from the same trough as the foreign-policy hawks–the ones who’ve been urging the United States to invade Russia since 1947?

Neoliberals believe that the more countries are dependent on the global supply chain, then the greater chance we have of starting World War III. It is not your nature to eat the hands of those who feed you. So long as everyone’s eating, it should work. It didn’t work in practice.

For decades the elites from both sides have advocated for “free trade” as well as “wars on democracy.” This made us more dependent upon the countries we wanted to invade. In the hope that it would not eat us, we fed the Crocodile. In truth, I think the Gateses, Clintons, and Kochs could have just as easily walked through Indiana lighting up wheat fields, doing all they can for us.

This is why all conspiracy theories are absurd. It is not possible to have a secret cabal consisting of wealthy and powerful people who control human affairs. There is a cabal, of course, and they do control human affairs. It’s not secret. They go on TV and brag about it.

We create fantasies of an omniscient and omnipotent elite to hide the fact that our rulers don’t know what they are doing. No satanic sexual pedophiles. There are no chemical chemtrails. No false flag or second gunman. Bill Gates is the only person standing there, holding an unopened Tofurky sandwich. It’s delicious. Honestly.”

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The good news is we will get through the food crisis. Canada is the main source of fertilizer imports. These are two important points to keep in mind.

First, there is a global shortage of fertilizer. We will be competing against every country to get the rest. For instance, Brazil imports over 40 percent of its potash directly from Russia. American farmers will now be in an arms race with Brazilian farmers to export Canada’s potash. They might not go bankrupt, but we may not be starving.

Second, American farmers win. This means that millions of families will be hungry in Brazil and other countries. The neoliberal system is not good for Americans. It’s terrible for Third World countries. Remember this every time some big-brain says we need to trust “the experts” (or, better yet, “the adults”). They are incorrect. They are not experts. Even though they are experts in economics, their understanding is far less than that of us bewildered laymen. Here’s where the problem lies. It doesn’t matter how many books you read on Einstein, Hawking and Newton. But if you don’t understand the first principle of physics: What goes up must also come down.